Another late night
I had a good bunch of people over tonight. We talked a lot, played some street hockey, ate junk, watched a movie, and just generally had a good time.
Talking to Vicky last night opened up my eyes to a few things. I respect Vicky (and Agnes, and Laura, and John, and some others) because they don't need alcohol to escape from reality. People drink because they can't accept the problems they have. People go and get trashed to get away from their drab, trouble filled, everyday lives. I don't need that. I choose to accept my state of being, and I don't need to escape (through alcohol) from my life.
However, and I believe this applies to everyone, I do need an escape. My escape comes in the form of staying up late and connecting with people (namely my girlfriend of the time, or lately, Vicky). Other people go and drink themselves stupid to escape, I sit on MSN. When I'm talking to someone in a truly sincere conversation, nothing else matters to me, but the little box on the screen, and the music accompanying it. Some people promise themselves just "one more drink", and then they'll quit, but I promise myself just "five more minutes", then off to bed. It never happens. It truly feels like an addiction.
Does any of this make me a hypocrite? Am I just choosing my escape in another form, and chastising others for having a more physical form? I don't know, but I do know that I'll spend many more late nights talking to people, limiting my sleep and thus hindering my ability to face the problems in my real life.
Person A (male) made some comments tonight that I felt were kinda rude about person B (female). It's one thing to think someone is attractive, but there's a rather distinct line between commenting on someone's body and being disrespectful. I think A crossed that line. In all fairness, I should have stuck up for B's character, but what can I say, I'm not a do-er. What A thinks isn't really all that important, and B still has every ounce of respect I always had for her. Fuckin' eh.
Once again, I hinted to Victoria that I feel we really could make something with the two of us, once again she brushed it off, and once again we still remain very bonded friends. It's really a catch 22 I find myself in. On one hand, I have this attraction for her that I've had for years, and I mean
years, that I've been trying to act upon for so very long. She certainly fits the archetype of a girl I'd date. However on the other hand there's the immense respect that I have for her and for our friendship. On this hand, I also realize that nearly every other girl who I've felt like this for has gone through a relatively bad breakup with me, and is no longer on talking terms with me. It would be selfish and stupid for me to want to throw away everything I have for some undetermined length of happiness. Quite the pickle indeed.
Time for some sleep, hopefully. I'm pretty worn out from hockey and such.
Listening to... Joe Satriani - With Jupiter in Mind
Link of the moment... My new desk
Talking to Vicky last night opened up my eyes to a few things. I respect Vicky (and Agnes, and Laura, and John, and some others) because they don't need alcohol to escape from reality. People drink because they can't accept the problems they have. People go and get trashed to get away from their drab, trouble filled, everyday lives. I don't need that. I choose to accept my state of being, and I don't need to escape (through alcohol) from my life.
However, and I believe this applies to everyone, I do need an escape. My escape comes in the form of staying up late and connecting with people (namely my girlfriend of the time, or lately, Vicky). Other people go and drink themselves stupid to escape, I sit on MSN. When I'm talking to someone in a truly sincere conversation, nothing else matters to me, but the little box on the screen, and the music accompanying it. Some people promise themselves just "one more drink", and then they'll quit, but I promise myself just "five more minutes", then off to bed. It never happens. It truly feels like an addiction.
Does any of this make me a hypocrite? Am I just choosing my escape in another form, and chastising others for having a more physical form? I don't know, but I do know that I'll spend many more late nights talking to people, limiting my sleep and thus hindering my ability to face the problems in my real life.
Person A (male) made some comments tonight that I felt were kinda rude about person B (female). It's one thing to think someone is attractive, but there's a rather distinct line between commenting on someone's body and being disrespectful. I think A crossed that line. In all fairness, I should have stuck up for B's character, but what can I say, I'm not a do-er. What A thinks isn't really all that important, and B still has every ounce of respect I always had for her. Fuckin' eh.
Once again, I hinted to Victoria that I feel we really could make something with the two of us, once again she brushed it off, and once again we still remain very bonded friends. It's really a catch 22 I find myself in. On one hand, I have this attraction for her that I've had for years, and I mean
years, that I've been trying to act upon for so very long. She certainly fits the archetype of a girl I'd date. However on the other hand there's the immense respect that I have for her and for our friendship. On this hand, I also realize that nearly every other girl who I've felt like this for has gone through a relatively bad breakup with me, and is no longer on talking terms with me. It would be selfish and stupid for me to want to throw away everything I have for some undetermined length of happiness. Quite the pickle indeed.
Time for some sleep, hopefully. I'm pretty worn out from hockey and such.
Listening to... Joe Satriani - With Jupiter in Mind
Link of the moment... My new desk
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