It's a CHORE I tell ya

I don't update this blog as often as I would like, or as often as I used to. I guess when you do anything for a while, it starts to lose its appeal.

I beat Half Life 2 the other day, so that's finally out of the way. I think the intense load times actually made me consider murder at one point. It was ridiculous, 30 seconds of loading every three minutes.

I completely rearranged my room the other day, but most of you didn't know what it looked like to begin with. I have the illusion of more floor space now, but there are some awkwardities about the room.

I downloaded a Dragon Ball Z mod for Half life called Earth's Special Forces, and I can't wait to play with Adam Phil and Turner, and perhaps Veebs since he's a fan of the DBZ too. It's surprisingly good, not just some lame mod where they replace the guns with energy beams. The control is pretty in-depth.

I miss you Vicky!

Listening to... The Offspring - Self Esteem
Link of the moment... Earth's Special Forces

Comparison Shot

November 1st
November 26th

Listening to... Jordana and the Bastard Hammers - Oblivion

What has become of me???

What the fuck? Did I just consider going clubbing sometime? No, I couldn't possibly have done so. I hate clubbing. I hate clubbers. I hate dancing.

Well...I guess I did just kinda have fun at this lame residence dance party. But this is different...somehow. Yeah, I still hate clubbing.

But it's good exercise, right? And I could meet people (although they will inevitibly be people I hate). I guess it wouldn't hurt to go, right? Yeah, it will just confirm the fact that I hate it. Yeah, I'll go just to spite myself, force myself to do something I hate.

Listening to... Fear Factory - Cars
Link of the moment... Club Abstract

Prepare for an onslaught

Once again, I have another long post. My mom just visited for the last few days, so I haven't had a moment's peace to update the blog.

1. The Incredibles
2. Half Life 2
3. Square One/Mississauga/Toronto
4. Numerous Professions
5. New Apartment
6. Monika's evilness
7. My ability to have people hate me
8. Best Years of My Life

1.1 The Incredibles
The Incredibles was...dare I say it...incredible. Naw, I take that back, it's too goddam cheesy. It was a great movie nonetheless. Of course, this could be the shittiest Pixar film I've ever seen, but it would still be awesome since it's Pixar. Honestly though, a lot of the effects were awesome not only for an animated film, but some of the effects were on par with recent action films. Some machines and their ever-fluid motion were on par with Spiderman 2, easily.

One beautiful thing about Pixar films (and animated films in general) is that they're easily able to exaggerate things, since they're able to set their own universe in which the film occurs. Some of the funniest scenes in that film involved Mr. Incredible sitting in his cubicle, typing on his keyboard with his grossly mal-proportioned hands, or driving home in his compact car, hunching over the wheel.

1.2 A severe tangent to the conversation
I'm gonna have to admit something here. I found one of the characters in the film...how can I say this without sounding terribly disturbed...not attractive...well yes, that's the only word I can think of at the moment. These Pixar characters are getting way too human. I swear, these characters have souls nowadays.

This isn't the first time, either. I used to be in love with Sailor Mercury. Yup, the one with the blue hair. No worries, I've grown past falling in love with cartoon characters. But honestly, this girl in the movie is one of the only girls I've met in the longest time. I just wish I could meet someone like her; someone who is vulnerable, someone who just needs to escape reality and be swept off her feet. Christ I miss my glory days.

2. Half Life 2
Half Life 2. What can I say. After waiting for fuck and a half months, they finally released the son of a bitch. I'm gonna have to say I'm not as impressed as I was hoping I would be. Sure it's great eye candy, sure it's pretty fun, sure it's got an awesome new physics engine, but you know what? The release of Doom 3, Halo 2, Far Cry, and whatever else was awesome just took away the wind. If this game came out over a year ago like it was supposed to, I would have been absolutely blown away. I find myself playing Counter Strike a lot more, HL2 scares me too much...stupid spider things.

3. Square One/etc.
I hit up Square One today. Why is this even deserving of its own subtitle? Long story short, I bought two pairs of pants, and Trivial Pursuit Genus 5. Genus 5 was a steal at $20 since Genus 6 came out. Yeah, I guess that's all. I think I actually traversed the whole mall this time.

4. Numerous Professions
Sometimes I wish I hadn't chosen mathematics as my major...not for the fact that I don't like it, it's just that I honestly think that I'm so mutli-talented I can't decide what I should do in life. I would do well in mathematics, business, acting (no seriously, I think I would make a good actor if I put time and effort into it), film production, animation, writing (articles and such), editing, photography...the list pretty well goes on. I want to do it all. If I really put effort into any one of those, I could be really good.

5. New Apartment
I've been thinking of getting an apartment style place next year. I can't handle the food here anymore, in a nutshell. I'd love to have my own living room too. I don't like going to the lounges very much, but I suppose that might have something to do with the fact that I have no one to go there with. I have few friends to invite over, and they're usually busy anyways, with work and other shit.

The main problem is that I don't know anyone who goes to school in my stream (that is, they have study terms between September and April, and take the summer off). I hope I can meet some good people next term, otherwise I'll either have to a) live alone, b) live here again, or c) get randomly paired up with potential assholes. None of those options appeal to me in any regard.

6. Monika's Evilness
I'll be honest. It's late and I'm getting tired. Maybe I'll post on this some other day, if at all.

7. My Hate-Ability
I think lately I have the ability to have people dislike me. I'm an asshole. I know I'm an asshole. I can't help it. I've been hanging out with people who have turned me into an asshole. I got comfortable insulting Adam, Phil, Turner and the likes right to their faces, and getting it right back at me, and we'd all laugh it off and top it off with farts. Aparently people don't like sarcasm down here. I really would like to make friends, but I'll take the easy way out and say it's too late to change.

8. Best Years of My Life
I'm convinced the best years of my life are behind me. I think my life just doesn't seem complete anymore. I feel like half the man I used to be. I used to have a girl I loved, constantly reassuring me that I was one of the best people in the world; that I could do anything. Now I just feel like there's no one that cares that I exist. Sure people are my friends, but I need someone that I can share my soul with. I had that at one point, and it was the greatest feeling ever.

Now it's gone. I have few friends for 8 months of the year, both a severe abundance of and lack of freedom, and just nothing that really makes me happy. Everything seems to be downhill from here. Sure I'll be happy some times, I'll laugh, I'll love...but never as much as I have in the past.

Listening to... Raised Fist - Breaking Me Up
Link of the moment... It's not the same when you don't know the story from Half Life

To love someone is nothing, to be loved by someone is something, but to be loved by the one you love is everything - Anonymous

Oh my how true.

I'm finding myself with quite the attraction to Laura once again. At the current moment, I find myself moreso hoping she doesn't keep up on my blog often enough for her to come across this post.

See, on the one hand, I'm completely in love with MSN-Laura. She makes me laugh more than anyone else on MSN. No offense to anyone else of course, but she actually makes me laugh out loud to myself regularly. Sometimes it's even a result of my own jokes, but either way I laugh when I talk to her.

Irregardless, it's the little things that can get to a man. I'm not saying she's not a great girl, I'm just saying there are just one too many minor annoyances for me to be able to continue in a relationship. I mean, I've proved it through example. We dated, and I want out. Therefore, if we date I'll want out.

Not only that, I don't want to hurt her. I got lucky this time, for the first time and we're still very good friends after breaking up. It's a shame how you can say "I love you" one day, and then just not really mean it (at least in the same context) shortly thereafter.

I keep thinking to myself that Agnes was my only chance at a completely fulfilling relationship. Sometimes I think I'm too obsessive, but I look at other people's rantings and ravings and realize I may not be alone. The only thing I can do is tell myself to shut the fuck up.

I heard a question asked in someone else's site, along the lines of "what gets you out of bed day after day?". I've thought about it for a while, and I'm still not sure of my answer. Part of me wants to say jealousy. I want to be the best. Part of me wants to say education, but really I just want to learn so I can be the best. Part of me wants to say charity. Sometimes it makes other people happy to know that I'm still alive. Is this all that's binding me to this world? Scary.

Listening to... Fear Factory - Securitron
Link of the moment... Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics

Late night with CS134

Well last night was the first time that I stayed up extremely late to finish an assignment. the CS134 assignment took me by storm, and I would up working on it until about 4:30 in the morning (and I still needed about an hour today to tweak it).

The sad thing is that I know I could design it so much better if I had more time. I take pride in my coding, but it's working now and if it ain't broke don't fix it. One class came to about 500 lines of code (where my previous max was probably no more than 250). I must say though, it's working, and if I don't get at least 90 on this assignment, heads will roll.

I got three hours of sleep last night and consequently, I've been in a daze all day, which is not good considering I have a stats quiz this afternoon. I skipped lunch to code, but I've decided to graba sandwich from Tim Horton's before stats.

I'll tell you what though, Wednesday at 5 PM is one of the best feelings in the world (ESPECIALLY when there's no calc assignment due, like this week). I should get started on next week's work, but on the other hand, fuck it. I need a break, I think I'm going to watch Snatch tonight, and maybe convince John to buy me Chinese in celebration of getting another CS asignment out of the way.

There might have been more interesting news to stick here, but it's hard to use my brain powers at the moment. Again, not good for this quiz (which I studied minimally for and am planning to wing).

Listening to... Bad Religion - Dead in 2010
Link of the moment... Goddam you discrete event simulation

ARGH! BUFFYYY

Dammit, I hate television shows that carry on plots. It's just so damned unfinal, and when you finally get to the final episode, you don't want everything to turn out the way it did.

I finished off the second season of Buffy, and DAMMIT I just want things to go back the way they were in first season where Xander hated Cordelia, Willow had an unspoken love for Xander, and Giles was un uptight English prick. Part of me absolutely HAS to see season three (and consequently every season until Willow becomes a lesbian and all hopes and dreams of mine are shattered), and part of me realizes that I just spent 16.5 hours hours feeling miserable about all the changes that are going on in the lives of fictional characters. If I had the time to invoke 16 hours worth of change in my own life, maybe I could get somewhere.

I still think I got closer to shedding tears watching Trigun when one of the main characters dies (I won't give it away in the off chance that someone will someday watch Trigun from start to end). The last episode was real heartwrenching too.

Listening to... Metallica - No Remorse
Link of the moment... Don't read too much, or else you'll pick up spoilers.

FOLD!

Well, I'm out of the poker tournament already, and now I have nothing to do with my Saturday night. I still have made no progress with my CS assignment.

I was seated next to a cute girl at poker. I think her name was Nicole, she seems to have found herself at the poker tournament via Grace. I wish she would have gotten out sooner, so I could convince her to do something else with her Satruday night, but alas:
1. I'm too lazy to wait for her to lose
2. I'd be too scared to say anything to her
3. She's likely in her mid twenties, and most people aren't comfortable with that stuff.
4. It's a lot less painful to talk about what didn't happen as opposed to what did happen (I may be blowing this out of proportion, but I stand behind my point)

Now what to do...play video games, study CS, watch some Buffy, and eat McDonald's DblCheeseburgers. Maybe I'll go back downstairs and cheerlead Nicole some more if she's still in.

Listening to... Iron Maiden - The Prisoner
Link of the moment... So fun...I gotta do non-tv related stuff when I'm at home. Board game nights and such.

To be honest,

I had a big post on its way to completion yesterday. It was to be my masterpiece, my Symphony 5, my Mein Kampf, etc., but then the power went out, erasing all existence of it from the digital spectrum. It was in retaliation to my relatively low marks (relative to last term, and my life to this point for that matter).

Regardless, it's gone and I've fumed about it. A select few have heard me bitch about it anyways.

I think I just came on to post a few more games I want to play. I've been playing a lot of Super Mario 64 lately. My wireless controller pulls a bit to the right, but I can't complain for $20. The wirelessness is worth it so long as I don't need exact precision for anything. I'm up to 34ish stars, and now all the levels take too much skill. Mario 64 is a goddammed good game, and it always will be. It's as classis as Mario and Mario 3.

Without any further adieu,

Lord of the Rings: The Third Age
Shadow Hearts: Covenant

Shit, that's it? Eh, they're both good.

Listening to... New Bomb Turks - Don't Kimosabe me
Link of the moment... 7.7? Harsh.

Games and atheism...and atheist games.

Now first of all, I gotta say I'm a Penny Arcade fan, but I don't tend to take the authors' word as gospel. Still, I get a lot of first hand gamer opinions on there.

Regardless, Gabe mentioned a game called Shadow Hearts 2, so I looked it up on Gamespot (something I do when I'm bored), and it turns out it looks awesome! I'd like to play it one day, but alas! Here I am, purchasing games left right and centre, sluffing aside my studies. I've gotta pull my rhetorical socks up after I got these midterms back.

Gabe also said that LotR: Third Age is "essentially Final Fantasy X set in the LOTR universe", which is to me a good thing. FFX's system was easy, fun, addicting, and goddam if it didn't just plain old look nice. It was fluent and natural.

I really just want to play games with Phil. I want to live with someone who will actually watch me play a game, or play games interesting enough worth watching. Games are all about the story and coolness factor nowadays, and I hate watching movies alone just as much. No one to share the experience with.

I bought $40 worth of Halloween candy and Coke. Time to get this party started.

Sometimes I wonder if some people are atheist just because it's the posh thing to do. All the cool kids are doing it nowadays. Just like being alternative is posh, which really goes against the definition of alternative. Well whatever, if it's conformist to believe in what you want to believe in, then call me a big fat conformist.

Post Mortum: I decided to add a picture for lack of anything better to do. Here's my facial hair thus far, it's very disturbing and I advise you to not let your children see this picture. (let's see if I post it right on the first try! *nope, second*)




Listening to... Beethoven's Fifth Symphony
Link of the moment... No, my worsening grades are because I'm a moron.